Style and Self Care: Bribing Ourselves with Back-to-school Yoga Swag-- Basic Supplies

A very important part of back-to-school season for me is Treats. As in, Bribes. Treatbribes. For myself.

To put in it in more grown-person speak, I find it easier to do unpleasant things (like sending EIGHT HOURS worth of emails) if I offer myself some incentives. A big part of this program is currently The West Wing and Ben and Jerry's Banana Peanut Butter Frozen Yogurt, but I'm looking to diversify my self-bribing options. On the list of Rejunvenatory Activities: cook something yummy, take some photos, practice yoga.

I really love what Ros has to say in her at-home yoga tips about making yoga a precious indulgence in daily life. I was struck by her suggestion to make yoga special by indulging in a nice lotion, a beautifully curated practicing space (even it's just between the bed and the wall) or special clothing. Of course, you can practice yoga anywhere and with anything-- the body is all you need-- but it's always a relief to be reassured that yoga as a philosophy is not fundamentally austere-- it's about celebrating the body as an extension of the self!

In the sprit of self-care and bribery, I asked Ros, along with another of my very favorite yogis, Minnesota-based yoga instructor Lisa Bevevino, to share the yoga swag that enriches their practice, and then added a few of my own faves. The products I feature here are all hand-made or ethically-made when possible-- Etsy is a rad source for yoga treats!

Here's what we love:

Ros: A Jade yoga mat. It's made of natural rubber, which has a texture that reminds me of sharkskin- nice and grippy! Plus, the natural rubber is a renewable resource, the mats contain no PVC and Jade plants a tree for every mat sold. It's fairly expensive (over $60), and it certainly wasn't my first mat, in the era when I was just starting to go to classes, but I'm so glad I finally made the investment.

Anna adds: Second on the Jade mat. I have very sweaty hands and normally need towels under my palms during a down dog, but not with Jade mats. They also seem incredibly durable-- I've seen years-old mats with little signs of wear-- and they are made in PA!

Ros: One cork block, which I like because it's heavy and dense without being hard or poke-y.

Anna adds: I use this in place of meditation cushion, in a pinch.

Ros: One blanket, which I use in savasana, for meditation, and for hanumanasana (on the rare occasion I feel like doing the splits at home).

Anna adds: Splits. You have got to be kidding me. No.

Ros: One strap, which I'm mainly using in back-bends right now.

Anna adds: I am far less bendy than Ros, so I use a strap a lot more often-- especially for hip and hamstring stretches. This one, handmade in CA, doubles as a carrying strap for your mat!.

Ros: One meditation cushion, which I use to elevate my seat in meditation.

Anna adds: Having butt support with a cushion like this makes sitting in meditation feel so much better for me! I like handmade buckwheat pillows like this, because you can add or remove stuff to adjust the height.

Ros: One lavender eye pillow, which my grandmother gave me years ago.

Anna adds: As for smelly things, I also really like Aura Cacia Panic Button essential oil blend. It has lavender in it, and also neroli which is kind of like orange? I put some on my wrists and behind my ears before I practice.

Ros: I've also used Jivamukti lavender lotion and China Gel in class, and would love to keep them at home. The china gel is fantastic- it's an icy-hot gel that you can apply to your low back or shoulders before practice, and helps to keep those muscles warm and loose. The lavender lotion just smells lovely and comforting. :)

Anna adds: When I have to stay out in The World after a yoga class (and therefor can't go home to shower) I have been enjoying Leap Organics body powder --which is basically like Gold Bond for hippies--to cut sweatiness It's talc-free (better for your lungs) and smells like lemongrass, but it still has that tingly feeling.

Ros: I also like to have eucalyptus oil, lavender oil and tea tree oil around. The latter two can both be mixed into a spray bottle with a 3:1 mixture of water and white vinegar for a mat-cleaning solution, plus they're both antiseptic. The eucalyptus oil I just find soothing.

Anna: Ros has been reminding me to do crucial things like CLEAN YOGA MAT for more than a decade now. She's the best, and I'm a lucky lady. Stay tuned next week for our recommendations re: Yoga clothing! Happy Weekend! May all beings bribe themselves within reason!

Pictures: Jordan and Jasmine Get Married (Love in our Lifetime)

Friends, it's the New Year. Let's look at love pictures.

Last week, I was lucky enough to photograph the wedding of Jordan and Jasmine on a rainy Tuesday afternoon in Maryland. Both of them are from New Mexico, so they they'll have a larger celebration soon with all of their friends and family from home, but their sweet friend hired me to capture in photos the day of their legal marriage.

Jordan and Jasmine's love is so palpable and real-- you don't need to know their story to understand the enthusiasm and affection that they put into their relationship.

They were so excited to dedicate themselves to one another, and it seemed like their wedding marked for them a new step in that dedication, but also a natural progression of a love story that's been unfolding since they met, two years to the day before they were married.

Part of me wants to focus only on the love between Jordan and Jasmine, and the everyday miracle of it- two people choosing each other. But there's the other part of the story, too: the fact that when Jordan and Jasmine met two years ago, a marriage like theirs wouldn't have been legal. And now it is.

So as much as it's important to honor their love for what it is-- purely and uniquely theirs--I can't look at this picture of Jasmine, carefully tucking away the fresh marriage certificate that will allow her new wife to access her military benefits, without thinking of all the people I know who fought to make the legality of their union possible.

People who look at pictures like these and say, with hushed reverence, barely believing it, "In my lifetime."

And then, there's the that individuality again-- the pure, goofy uniqueness of their love, Jordan and Jasmine, choosing one another for who they are, not because history demands it.

That's the way love is, I think. Part sweepingly universal, and part specific and particular: those hands, those lips, these brains and hearts, with all the weight of the millennia behind them.

When we see love like that, regardless of what the government has to say about it, or how many times we've seen love before, the appropriate response is to stop and say, with fresh wonder, "In my lifetime".

Jordan and Jasmine, thank you for adoring each other. It brightens the world.

Here's to long and happy years.

A Few Things I'm Excited About (Beach Week Edition): corn cakes, bonfire perfume, donated ideas, japanese persimmon cloth and a plea for well-cooked babies!

Olo Fragrance's new scent, Palo Santo, is the number one Things I Would Like to Smell today. I do not much like flowery stuff (rose is a notable exception), so this woody blend really appeals.  I found it at the very hip Accident and Artifact in SF. I also love Olo's Victory Wolf, which really does smells like someone's hair after a night around a bonfire. Stop laughing at me.

I'm impressed: rather than donating finite goods, Toyota donated their efficiency system to a Harlem soup kitchen. The resulting changes allowed the charity to help a great many more people. I love the idea of donating ideas rather than materials. It feels less like charity and more like cooperation.

I made these corn cakes for dinner last night and now we can't stop brainstorming different ways to eat them. Current thoughts: with caviar and creme fraiche, with ricotta, maple syrup and berries, with crumbled bacon mixed into the batter (duh).

Fabric obsession: Japenese Kakishubu, dyed with fermented persimmon juice. According to Hickorees, it's antibacterial? Someone please convince to me that I do not have the time or skill to attempt this on my own.

File under Not Surprised: a new peer-reviewed study has established substantive linkage between induced or augmented labor (often through i.v pitocin) and the instance of autism. My doctor parents point out that we really don't understand how the stronger contractions caused by pitocin affect the amount of oxygen baby receives, so this makes intuitive sense. Obviously more research is needed, but this is worth a lot more investigation than the ass-hatted (and failed) attempts to connect autism to vaccines (see jennymccarthybodycount.com). Also worth a read: Jodi the Doula's discussion of why even "natural" induction is usually a bad idea, and we should just let babies cook as long as they want.

The Self Care Series: Caitlin Leffel Ostroy

I've been curious for a long time about the diverse ways that people take good care of themselves. As I finish my twenties, I feel like my huge project of developing an adult self-care practice is coming to a close. I'm thinking a lot about how I take care of my body and my mind, and how I want that to look in the next decade. It's scary and exciting!

In the coming months, some of my amazing friends have agreed to talk in this space about their own self-care routines. I'm so lucky to have them as my teachers in this.

We'll start with my friend Caitlin Leffel Ostroy, who lives in NYC with her husband, Alex. Caitlin is an editor at Rizzoli, a wonderful essayist and a very enthusiastic eater. I once spent a blissful, snowy afternoon in Chicago with Caitlin at Rick Bayless' Xoco, eating ALL THE VEGETARIAN THINGS and swapping recipes for soup. I'm really excited to share Caitlin's self-care philosophy with you because she's remarkably thoughtful and determined. An avid runner, Caitlin decided after the NYC Marathon was cancelled in the wake of Hurricane Sandy that she wanted to RUN IT ANYWAY. Just because. So she did. Here's Caitlin!

On the meaning of self-care

I’ve lived in New York City for most of my life, and there’s such a culture of competitive denial, at least in the milieu I live in: can you live on less, can you sleep fewer hours, can you give more of yourself to work. I’ve definitely gone in the opposite direction in my adult life. I consider it my responsibility and privilege as a grown-up to invest in caring for myself.

My husband and I are both freelancers, and that means we are responsible for purchasing our health insurance, and since we buy our own, the plans we are eligible for are very expensive and not very extensive. As a result of this, I’m cautious about what I do to and put into my body. Knowing that we will be hit with a bill for hundreds of dollars every time we step foot in a doctor’s office or try to fill a perscription has been a very strong incentive for us to take good care of ourselves. It’s also encouraged me to be open therapies and practices, such as shiatsu massage and more recently, acupuncture, which are either alternatives to western medicine, or preventatives for it. At the root, my focus on self-care is about keeping myself healthy and energized in the absence of a safety net like employer-sponsored health care.

On grooming

I’m very focused on skincare. My hair is a battleground, and I never learned to put on makeup, but skincare is my thing. My mother died right when I was coming out of adolescence, so I’ve held on to the few “adult” lessons I have from her. One of the things she told me was to take care of my skin when I was young. (The other one was not to tweeze my eyebrows too thin!) I use a cleanser and a moisturizer in the morning, then the same cleanser with a serum at night. I have a number of skin allergies (metal, salt, chemicals), so I have a pleasant excuse to explore organic and higher-end skincare lines.  One I like a lot is REN; they use very high quality ingredients in their products, but they are also very effective, which I feel like some of the more “natural” lines are not. For my birthday last year, I asked for an eye cream from Eve Lom, which is too expensive for me to buy on my own, but man, it was like putting caviar under my eyes.

Honestly, I don’t feel that I’m attached at all any longer to the idea of “improving” my looks. I’m 32, and somewhere along the way, I just fell into completely accepting the way I look. My practices of self-care are more about exploring ways that I can feel stronger, happier, and more at peace with the world. All of that said, I’d still love it if I woke up one day with nice straight hair.

On physicality and exercise

I was terrible at sports and gym class when I was a kid. Then, I went to college, and I found the gym and a world of physical activity beyond competitive teams sports. I began running five years ago—a type of exercise I’d avoided in the past because I thought I was “bad” at it—and realized that there’s this whole other dimension to exercise as an adult that has nothing to do with comparing yourself to other performers in your peer group. Because I’m a writer and editor, I find the purity of an exercise like running a welcome and necessary balance to the fraught interior world inside my head.

On emotional health

I practice Jivamukti yoga, which is a very spiritual practice, and also one that emphasizes looking inward. We meditate and practice breathing exercises, and think about life from the micro to the macro. One of the things that we do at Jivamukti that I love—though I understand it’s not for everyone—is that we talk a lot about mortality and death. I’ve found it incredibly calming to have a place that brings mortality to the forefront, and I like working on understanding myself as a transient being.

I’ve been working on mindfulness this year—which to me means a practice of being present in my waking interactions. It’s been a big challenge because I’m somewhat dreamy anyway (my husband says I’m the least observant person he’s ever met), and frankly, it’s been a little horrifying to realize how often my head is a million miles away from what my self is doing. I try to prevent myself from multi-tasking, and engage in fewer pleasant distractions (like listening to my podcasts while I walk).

When I think about it, all of my self-care habits are taken to some degree with the underlying goal of making me feel calm, so that I can make good choices, and experience life in the present. 

 


On spirituality

I think part of any self-care regimen that has a spiritual component is mindful of how the practice of it can help the practitioner help others. That said, there’s kind of an inherent self-centeredness in all of this that can shut out, to some degree, the outside the practice or the ritual. I didn’t start any of these things—skincare, running, yoga, diet, practices of mindfulness—with the goal of “acting” a different way. But I’ve noticed some subtle changes in my behavior: I consider my spoken words more, and answer questions more slowly in conversation. I can more easily define what I want and what I need. Going forward, I’d like to use these skills to make clearer, more mindful choices in every area of my life.


On eating

I’m not the biggest Michael Pollan fan, but I picked up Food Rules in the bookstore when it came out and opened to a page with this on it: Don’t eat anything with more than five ingredients in it. This made instant sense to me, and that one line has dictated my diet since then. I don’t take it literally, as in, I won’t eat a homemade dish with more than five ingredients in it, but in the sense that I’m sure it was meant to be taken in: pay attention to what you’re putting inside you, especially if it’s in a package, and make sure you know what those things are.

I also just started going to acupuncture, and my therapist recommended that I eat fish twice a week. I’ve been a vegetarian (ovo-lacto) since I was ten, so this is going to be an interesting experiment. So far, I’m liking shellfish and anything white that just tastes like olive oil, garlic, or whatever it’s cooked in. Can’t do the tuna, the salmon, or anything truly fishy. Other than that, I try to eat when and only when I’m hungry, and to eat whatever my body tells me it wants.

On supportive community

I have a wonderful husband, a great family, rich circles of friends—no shortage of people who care about me, and in some cases, care for me as well. That said, I’m in a better position than anyone in the planet to understand what makes me tick, and tick well. Engaging in practices that help my mind work in a better, calmer way, or moving my body in a way that supports, in contrast, the rest of my work is something only I can do, and for me, I like making those choices privately.

What other activities are crucial to your self-care?

Reading. Being involved in another narrative (whether fiction, nonfiction, historical, lyrical), in addition to being a great pleasure, helps my brain rest and my whole self recharge. It’s like changing to a different frequency and has an effect similar, in some ways, to meditation.

I believe that adults need to be their caregivers, and that however one defines that, caring for oneself has the same benefits are caring for another: it’s giving a certain amount of love, attention, or devotion to needs that enriches, improves, protects, and makes better. I could certainly get along with the things I mentioned above, but I think I would feel less like myself, so I guess the purpose for me in some ways is to stay “close” to my self and to prevent me from covering the core of my person with too many outside influences.

Thanks so much, Caitlin! 

Places: Great Cape Herbs, Brewster MA

This June, when I turned 29, I was on Cape Cod with some of my favorite people, so I shocked even myself when I asked to spend the morning alone. On purpose. Just hanging out. 

I went to the beach and put my feet in water. I took a yoga class. And I stumbled on Great Cape Herbs.

The owner, Stephan, made me great Americano and showed me around the shop. Herbs drying! Baby chicks hatching in an incubator! While I was wondering around, people kept passing through, some tourists and some locals. They all had questions, and Stephen answered them. Sometimes, he didn't have the answer to their question, so he told them that.

As a doula, I have a touchy relationship with herbs-- I get really worried when my pregnant clients start talking about taking them will-nilly because that shit is powerful. That's why I'm so glad that there are people like Stephan who are both super knowledgeable and extremely cautious. 

One of Stephan's big projects is WORLD WAR LYME: combatting and treating Lyme Disease-- a big health issue in that part of Massachusetts. He grows his own Japanese Knotweed and processes it into tinctures that make a big different in the health of people afflicted with Lyme, but he also encourages his clients to seek help from medical doctors. 

Stephan made me a tincture for my digestion that I now put in my water each morning. It's just for me, based on what I need. Also it has a hand written label on it that says "Anna's Tummy" which pleases me very much. When I left, Stephan was already surrounded by new customers. He's got a calm air about him that feels perennially unruffled and unrushed. Like, that each person he talks to is important, but that very little of what they have to say is a surprise. It's nice.

I left Great Cape Herbs thinking a lot about the way that people take care of themselves. I thought about the way that I take care of myself based on my instincts, and the parts I leave up to experts.

This is the last year I'll spend in my 20s. Everyone keeps telling me how much happier I'll be in my 30s-- apparently I'll be more self-assured. I'll know myself and what I want. That sounds great! I'm always up for more happiness! But I feel pretty good about what I accomplished with this decade.

Discerning how to best keep myself going has been the main project of my twenties, I think. Learning how to work my body and mind. I might be happier in my thirties-- I'll take it for sure-- but I think my twenties will be the decade I learned how to take care of myself. When to take herbs and when to take medicine. When to call the doctor. When to be with friends and when to be alone.

 Or, rather, I think I'll always be learning how to take care of myself. In my twenties, I learned that it's worth my effort to get it right. I'll take that, too.

Roots and Radicals: North Carolina and Beyond

As my home state of North Carolina settles in for a fight over heinous new restrictions on voter rights and abortion rights, I keep wondering what I’d be doing if I were in college at this time. Based on my activity during the 2002 beginning of the Iraq War, I’m guessing I’d be awaiting trial for an arrest at one of the Moral Monday demonstrations.

Everything was very clear-cut at that time in my life: if something was wrong, I spoke out against it, often using my body as well as my voice. My relationships suffered. My grades dropped. I felt sure that I was doing the right thing. I didn’t know what I wanted my life to look like, but I was sure I was willing to give it up for a cause.

In 2013, It’s less clear to me how I should respond to the domestic atrocities now sweeping my home state. My politics haven’t changed. My life has. I have a job I love. Students. I make jam and pickles and stack the jars on my kitchen shelves. I guess I put down roots.

I found myself re-listening this morning to an old episode of The Story interviewing Norm Stamper, the former Seattle Police chief who called the shots during 1999’s violent WTO protests. Stamper says he now regrets the way that his department handled the protests (he resigned in the aftermath), and derides police violence at Occupy camps in New York and California.

What impresses me most is Stamper’s willingness to alter his analysis without shifting his allegiances. He has changed his mind about the use of police force in response to peaceful protest, but he hasn’t been radicalized in a direction opposite to the police perspective.

I was radical, once. Or, I thought I was. I used to love reminding people that the word’s etymology can be traced back to the idea of physical roots, the sturdiest part of something, the base of it, and also its beginning. I suppose in this sense, Stamper’s change of heart is impressively radical not because it appeals to any political leftism, but because he has managed to integrate new insight into his identity without uprooting it entirely.

As a college radical I was taught by older mentors to regard the “Battle of Seattle” as a watershed moment in leftist history. Protesters’ violent clashes with police, complete with home-made riot gear, were to be studied and celebrated. What are "old timers" like me telling college students today about the protests at start of the Iraq War?

As someone ten years out of college with first-year composition students of my own, I would never, ever encourage college student to risk their bodies or their futures by seeking arrest. But I also can’t bring myself to regret the decisions I made at age eighteen.

Each Monday, the lawn outside the NC legislature fills up with people determined to change the terrifying direction in which our state is headed. My sisters have been out there. My former students have. It surely isn’t my choice, but I don’t want them to be the same kind of radical that I was.

I’m tired of talking about protesting. I want to talk about rights. I want to talk about the people who are being denied their rights, and how their voices might still be heard. Those who wished to vote and now cannot. Those who will risk their lives seeking unsafe abortions because safe options are no longer available. They are roots of the cause. Or rather, their freedom is. Their words are being lost. Their bodies are being jeopardized. But I can’t stop talking about what radicalism means to me.

What is the most radical part of us? What are the roots? I hope, for my students, the roots are the urge to speak, not the words that come at one moment or another. Issues change. Minds change. The question of risk shifts.  I have a fuller life now, and I am less sure what I am willing to risk. I can't bring myself to regret that, either.

I'm so tired of talking about this. I can't stop. If I could choose a way to talk about this with my students, it wouldn't be with words. I would want all of us fly away from the issues for a while, and rest up high in a struggle for possibility: the possibility of voting, not the candidate. The possibility of a free body, not a pregnancy or an abortion. No protestors. No police. A different part of the tree, where light blends the leaves with the sky.

Up there, in the space of possibility, where we know are allowed to change, maybe we could breathe, for a moment, and then we could look down, and see, clearly for the first time, our actual roots.

A Few Things I'm Excited About: cobbler, Sorkin, sissy bounce, NC-made clothing, women's health and a little self promotion

This cobbler. I made it this weekend with blackberries as well as peaches and the topping is perfect. Nothing has ever tasted so much like Bisquick that not was not actually made with Bisquick. To my mind, that is a very good thing.

HBO's 'The Newsroom'. Like many of my favorite shows, it took me a hot second to get into the storylines and characters. Now I'm on a roll. Such a fascinating and optimistic look into what the news is, with some great ideas about what the news could be. Also, Aaron Sorkin's dialogue.

Centennial Trading Company is making beautiful menswear in North Carolina. I want to wear it all, but I fear the jeans would not work with my butt. They've got a Kickstarter going right now, with some great deals on forthcoming products. I would work the shit out of that popover with a belt.

This article on The Toast about being a pro-choice doula. The reasoning in this article has some flaws, but her central argument-- that being a doula represents body autonomy in the same way that abortion rights does-- is right on. For the record, practicing as a doula has helped me become almost totally comfortable with abortion as medical procedure and a moral issue.

I launched my photography website today. I'd like people to pay me a small amount of money to take their picture. Tell your friends!

Big Freedia Queen Diva. Don't ask me what sissy bounce is-- just listen.

Pictures: Peachy Baby Violet

A few weeks ago I finally met Miss Vi.

Although her mama Carolyn has been a friend of mine for years, it was kind of like re-meeting her as well. She's the same wonderful, creative person, but her life is different. She's so excited to have met one of her very best friends.

It is an amazing thing to watch a friend transform into a parent. When I was in grad school with Carolyn years ago, I noticed that her interactions with everyone around her were marked by tenderness and enthusiasm-- talking to her feels like an embrace.

It makes sense then, that she would give us Violet: a child so sweet and juicy and fuzzy and full of smiles that she's very nearly the baby embodiment of a peach.

Violet currently enjoys the following things: breasts, smiling, chatting, putting up her dukes, and breasts.

Carolyn's relationship with her kid is so fun to see-- they totally get a kick out of one another. When I held Vi, she went right into my arms with the self-assurance of a kid who knows that her mama is totally available.

I have a feeling that Vi will go on many cool adventures, always knowing that home is still there, waiting for her.

Go, Violet, go! You are part of an awesome team.

Pictures: I get to keep this one

Truly: with every birth I have ever attended, I have fallen in love with the baby. I started practicing as a doula when I was 23, so the first children I saw enter the world will start the first grade this Fall. I can still remember how each of them arrived.

Usually, after the birth is over, and everyone is tucked in bed and the baby is feeding, I slip out of the hospital room, walking backwards so I take one last mental snapshot of the little family that has just coalesced before my eyes. Then, except for the occasional post-partum visit, I don't see that perfect creature again.

Except! Oscar.

Because Oscar's parents are dear friends and coworkers as well as doula clients, I get to snuggle him and snap his picture and talk about his poop and laugh with his parents and watch his family grow. He birth was incredibly beautiful, but his tiny self is even more so.

While I always feel that the babies I see born are perfect, I must say that this one is particularly perfect.

And he gets perfect-er each time I see him.

Oscar's family is surrounded by a massive community of aunties and uncles and internet-cousins, all of whom utterly delight in his existence. His parents keep saying how lucky they feel to be enveloped in so much love and support. All of us keep saying how lucky we are to witness the creation of their family and the growth of their beautiful son.

Just by being, Oscar is a gift to the world. Just by loving him, we help him grow into the person that he truly is.

All he needs to do is be himself, and he makes people very, very happy. So may it always be.

Here's to Oscar, and to his parents, and to their community, and to the amazing way that true love multiplies. We are all the lucky ones.